Tough Love

Why do people think that if they refuse to verify account information I'm just going to let that slide? Like if they yell at me or threaten to close their account I'll just suddenly bypass all of the government-regulated security measures and do whatever they want to the account?

This lady called in today who claimed to be the authorized user on the account. The phone number she was calling from was not on file for the account, so I have to ask a security question. I asked her for the DOB of the primary cardholder, which was 2/4/1956.*

"2/8/1956," she says. Keep in mind that the authorized user on this account is the WIFE of the primary cardholder. 

I asked her if she could verify the last 4 of his SSN. She cannot. As I'm reviewing the account to see what else I can use for verification, she blurts out his mother's maiden name.

Why oh why do people do this? I cannot accept any piece of information which is offered by a caller. So now we are down to virtually nothing that I can use for traditional security verification...and I haven't even asked her if she has the card to verify the CVV. If she doesn't have that, then I'll have to verify a non-traditional question as well.

She makes some comment about how she doesn't understand why I'm asking her so many questions when she already gave me his birthdate. I apologize and explain that it didn't match the DOB on file.

"2/4/1596?!" she exclaims.

"That is not what you told me earlier, ma'am," I deadpan. 

"Oh, I'm sorry! I'm just so nervous!" she's suddenly trying to be meek and mild. Please explain to me why the wife of a cardholder, who is herself authorized on the account, would have any reason to be nervous.

"I apologize for the delay, but I'm going to need to place you on a brief hold while I bring an associate on the line to assist me with the security verification." When I can't authenticate a customer I have to conference in someone from the fraud department, but of course I'm not telling her that. I just say I need assistance.

She gets very aggravated and informs me that she'll just have "him" deal with this later. Then she hangs up the phone. 

Whatevs, bitch. I take account security very seriously. Account documented and frozen for potential fraud. 

Then there was the alleged wife who was not authorized on the account and became so angry when I politely informed her that I could not perform account maintenance or release account information without speaking to the cardholder that she yelled, "That's fine! We'll just call back later and close this account, how about that!"

First of all, cuntmuffin, I don't know who this "we" is of which you speak. There is only one person listed on this account and he is not you. Secondly, if you think that I personally care whether or not your husband maintains a credit card with a $5000 limit, you have huffed too much paint thinner today. Zero fucks were given about this conversation, although I did comment the account that an unauthorized person attempted to get account information.

This is getting into TL;DR territory, but maybe tomorrow I will tell you the tale of the "cardholder" who was unable to verify her own DOB correctly...and told me that she would have to retrieve her tax records to give me her SSN. 


*Not his real DOB, in case you thought I was completely insane.

Dirty Liar and a Negative Survey

I answered a call on Monday from a woman who started screaming at me the moment she heard my voice. She was upset because the automated phone system didn't give her a menu option to make a payment and instead asked her to hold for a representative. Lucky me!

I apologized for the inconvenience and explained that I would be happy to process her payment; there is no additional charge for that service. Not good enough. She wants to know WHY. "WHY can't I make a payment through the automated system? WHY do I have to talk to YOU? WHAT is WRONG with your system? Is there a PROBLEM with my account that I need to know about? WHAT is the PROBLEM? WHAT is wrong with my account? WHY did I get transferred to YOU?!" 

There wasn't anything wrong with her account and there isn't anything wrong with our phone system. Sometimes, accounts are routed to a rep for any number of reasons. In my department, it's normally because they're considered to be a valuable customer because of their positive relationship with the bank. We're trying to give these people excellent customer service, but let's be for real: we know when they have outstanding debt with another bank. We want to transfer that balance over here, and we're willing to do it for 0% APR for up to 18 months.

But I digress. I couldn't get a word in edgewise with this nutcase. It was seriously unnerving to be screamed at like that for absolutely no reason. Did the bank mess up her account? Did we charge her a late fee? Lose her payment? No. She completely lost her shit, simply because the phone system routed her to me.

I finally said, "I don't know!" I did know, but fuck that. I was not about to try to make a sale with someone so unhinged. I just wanted to process her payment and end the call! "I don't know why the automated system didn't give you the menu option to make a payment. I don't have an answer for you. There is nothing wrong with your account. Would you like me to process your payment, or not?"

Suddenly she got very quiet and said yes. I took care of her payment and asked her if she had any other questions about her account. She said no like that was an insane question. I asked her if there was anything else I could help her with, and she answered no again. So I wished her a very nice day and she hung up the phone.

When I got to work today, I had an email from my manager. Guess who got a fucking survey?

That bitch gave me a 1 in every category. In the comment section, she claimed that she asked me several times why she got routed to a rep and I wouldn't answer her. She finally asked to speak to someone else. Then I admitted that I didn't know. "It was weird!"

Liar, liar, pants on fire! Her score brought my customer satisfaction average down to a 75%. I hope it burns when she pees! 

I just don't understand why your computer can't read my mind!

Actual conversation I had with a customer today:

Stupid Customer (SC): I don't know what the problem is with your automated system that it didn't recognize my phone number!

Me: The phone number that you're calling from doesn't match the primary number on this account.  I can update that for you, though.

SC: Well, this is just a temporary number and then it's going to go back to 555-555-1212. I just don't understand why it didn't recognize my phone number!

Me: Ma'am, the system cannot recognize a phone number that we don't have on file. Would you like me to update your information?

SC: No, because this number is just temporary! I'm only using this phone for a few weeks and then I'm going back to 555-555-1212.

Me: ...We don't have that phone number on file, either.

(I read off both of the phone numbers on her account. Neither one has been updated in about 10 years.)

SC: I don't have that phone number any more! I don't understand what the problem is with your system!

Me: We only know that your number has changed if you tell us. I'd be happy to correct that information, though. Just a moment...

(I update her phone number and verify it again, just to be sure.)

SC: I just don't understand what's wrong with your automated system that it didn't recognize my phone number when I called!

Me: (::facepalm::)...Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Here, phishy phishy...

Have you ever received an email like this?

Dear Bank Client,

Our technical security services department has notified an error on your account, which may lead to your account suspension.

For you to gain access back to your account. you are required to follow the instructions below

• Instructions
• All Bank customers are required to fill their account information properly.
• Failure to do so will be automatically de-activated from its account from our database.

Click here to proceed

We are sorry for the inconvenience this may caused you and thank you for banking with us.

Sincerely,

Your Bank

This is what is referred to as a "phishing" email. 

Phishing is the act of attempting to acquire information such as usernames, passwords, and credit card details (and sometimes, indirectly, money) by masquerading as a trustworthy entity in an electronic communication. (Thank you, Wikipedia!)

Basically, this is a crook who is hoping that you will click on that link and not pay attention to the fact that it redirects to a page that is not part of our secure online banking website. Once there, you'll be required to "verify" your account information. 

Most people see these and either:
a) realize immediately that it's a scam and delete the message; or
b) call the bank, just to be sure, before they fill in any information.

Every once in a while these losers get lucky and the email lands in the inbox of another loser who should not legally be allowed to manage their own money. Some of these people should have a conservatorship like Britney Spears has with her dad.

I took a call from a customer who informed me that she had received one of these emails. I get at least one of these calls every single day from customers who want to know why we sent them an email saying that their account has been suspended when they just logged into online banking and their account has not been suspended and they pay their bills on time so why are they getting these damn emails saying that their account is suspended?!

Seriously, though, most of our customers can see right through this bullshit and they only call to make sure there's no fraud on their account.

Not this lady. 

Like I said, I get these calls every  day. So when she told me she got an email stating that her account had been suspended, I was pretty casual about it and replied, "Yeah, that's not from us. That's a phishing email..." and I was about to assure her that her account was fine when she says:

"Well I filled out the form and verified my account, but then today I got another email from you guys saying the same thing!" 

That made me sit up straight. "...Ma'am, that email was not from the bank. What exactly did you verify?"

Everything. She verified everything. Her full credit card number. Her full social security number. Her mother's maiden name. Her billing address. All of her phone numbers. The name of her family physician? Yes. The make and model of the first vehicle she purchased 30 years ago? Why not!

At what point would a normal person think to themselves, "Something doesn't seem right here. I don't remember ever giving the bank the name of my doctor...how would they have this information on file to be verified in the first place?" Not this dumb bitch; no way. The only reason she was even calling us was because she was pissed that her account was still "suspended" even after she had "verified" all of that information!

I gave her the phone numbers for Trans Union, Experian, and Equifax so that she could have a fraud alert placed on her credit report and she had no idea what the fuck I was talking about. She had never heard of any of the 3 major credit bureaus. 

I also told her that she needs to call the Social Security administration fraud department and she got all huffy about that, like a fucking teenager who doesn't want to do her homework. Before you even ask, this woman is a native-born US citizen who speaks English as her first language and no, she was not elderly. She is just a fucking idiot who absolutely could not understand the gravity of the situation and acted really put-upon by the idea that she needed to make these phone calls. 

Too dumb for words!

Financial Advice

I get a call from a customer who wants to increase his line of credit. Currently, it's at $2000. 

"I just can't believe you guys only gave me a $2000 credit limit," he scoffs. "I mean, that's kind of a slap in the face. It's insulting, really."

"I understand, sir. I'd be happy to process that request for you. I just need to get your income and employment information." I'm always very careful to use the word "request" when it comes to things like credit line increases. There is no guarantee that this is going to be approved, no matter how long you've banked with us or what an "excellent" customer you (think you) are...

Customer informs me that his occupation is a Financial Adviser for a very well-known "global financial services firm" and that he's been employed there for 35 years. He tells me this with that tone of voice that men use when they say things like, "Don't you know who I am?" No, I don't; ask me if I give a shit.

When we process requests for credit limit increases, there are three possible outcomes:
1. It is immediately approved;
2. We are instructed to transfer the call to the credit department to complete the application;
3. We are instructed to inform the customer that they will receive a letter in 5-7 business days.

You know what it means when they tell you that you'll get a letter in the mail with the decision? It means that the decision was, "NO!" We're not even allowed to transfer those customers to the credit department to get more information.  

So take a wild guess which answer my computer spit out for Mr. Big Shot Financial Adviser...

Just out of curiosity I decide to pull up his account history. Turns out he's been within 5 days late at least a dozen times...30 days late several times...60 days late a handful of times...120 days late multiple times?!

Dude, are you fucking kidding me? What kind of financial advice can this joker possibly be giving people? 

Here's some financial advice: Pay your fucking bill on time and maybe you won't be "insulted" with a $2000 credit limit. I'm insulted that you wasted my time with this bullshit!

Back in the saddle again

I started this blog because, although I am grateful to have a full-time job that pays well and offers excellent benefits, people can be horrible assholes on the phone. 

I actually love working in customer service. Every job I've ever had, for the past 18 years, has involved customer service. I love helping people, and I'm good at what I do. But customer service in a call center is on a whole different level. People seem to think that because you can't see them, because they don't have to look you in the eye when they speak to you, that they can say whatever the fuck they want to say. Screaming and cursing suddenly becomes acceptable behavior.

I'm a nice person and I will bend over backwards to do the right thing for a customer. I will ask management to bend the rules to help someone out. I go above and beyond what is required or expected on a daily basis, because I genuinely care about my work and how it affects people. I want people to be happy. I also know what I would want as a customer, and how I would want to be treated if the situation was reversed. 

I try not to let it bother me when someone is yelling at me about something that is not my fault. Usually, it's not even the bank's fault. You got a late fee because you didn't pay your bill on time. You were charged interest because you didn't pay the balance in full. I know that this has nothing to do with me. Maybe they're having a bad day. As one of my manager's said, "Maybe he just got divorce papers in the mail today. Who knows?" Sometimes it's really hard to remember this when someone is screaming in your ear. It's hard not to take it personally.

My friends and family were getting a little tired of me complaining about work every day. Almost every status I posted on Facebook was about work for a while there. It was getting pretty negative, and I try not to be a negative person. So I started this blog as an outlet because I felt like if I didn't vent somewhere, I was going to explode.

Then I had to take some time off of work for medical reasons. When I got back, they kept me off the phones for a few days to do some refresher training while they reactivated all of my systems. That was pretty nice. I really had nothing to complain about for a while, which was even nicer.

But I'm back, bitches, and I've got some stories to tell.

Stay tuned...

How to Get Your Own Way by being a Bully

I answered a call the other day and I knew from the start that this guy was going to be an asshole.

When you cut me off mid-word to preemptively answer my questions, I don't know what your problem is. Do you thing you're being efficient by saving me the time required to finish those few syllables? Is it because you're in a hurry and you think your time is more valuable than my respect? You know what; I don't even care. You're an asshole and I hate you.

This asshole was rude and snappy during the verification process and as soon as I asked, "How can I help you?" he cut me off in the middle of the word "today," and snapped:

"Reverse some charges!"

First of all, OMG, fuck you. I am so sick and tired of people who were obviously raised by animals because they have no idea about polite human interaction. What happened to "please," and "thank you?" How hard would it have been to say something like, "I see some charges on my account that I'm hoping you can remove," and not be a fucking dick?

Secondly, banks are not in the habit of simply reversing charges for absolutely no reason. I guess you missed the memo, but this is not a non-profit organization. And if you're referring to a merchant charge, the same goes for them and we're not going to just cancel the charge without first determining whether or not it's a valid charge. That is why banks employ a slew of people in Billing Disputes and Fraud Claims.

Come to find out it's a $1 charge and an associated $.03 foreign transaction fee. It took a minute to find because he gave me a completely different name for the merchant and had no idea of the amount. He said that he had signed up for something but they never sent him anything and "you need to reverse this charge right now!"

I said, "Okay, it sounds like I just need to get you in touch with our Billing Disputes department. This will just take a moment," and he totally flipped. the fuck. out.

It was completely ridiculous. I have seen/heard 3 year-olds with more self control. He went on this rant about how it shouldn't be a dispute because he's the customer and I'm supposed to be in Customer Service and I should just reverse the charges. Screaming unintelligibly like a baby the entire time.

I tried to explain that I am not authorized to just reverse charges like this; that is what Billing Disputes is for. I don't know why I even tried to reason with him. I should have just placed him on hold and transferred the call. Don't worry, I would have done a warm transfer. I'm not trying to dick over my co-workers. This just was not my problem and I don't need to explain myself to this idiot.

He kept yelling about how he didn't understand why I wouldn't just do my job as Customer Service because he is the Customer and if he is telling me that he didn't get what he paid for, then I should just reverse those charges, and RAWR RAWR RAWR!

Like a glutton for punishment, I tried to explain that he needs to file a claim with Billing Disputes because he did give this company his credit card number and we have to give the merchant a chance to respond to the claim. We can't just take the word of every customer that calls in and says that they didn't receive a product, or immediately reverse charges if you're not happy with a service you paid for. It just doesn't work that way, and it's a good way to get sued.

This whole time, I'm apologizing to him like a good little corporate slave, because our main goal is Customer Satisfaction and one does not ever tell a Customer "No" or tell them that something cannot be done. So in between all of my "Sir, I understand your frustration, and I am trying to resolve this for you," and "I apologize for the inconvenience," I was trying to get my manager's attention because this shit was getting out of control.

"Sir, I am very sorry for the inconvenience, but I'm not authorized to reverse charges like this. That's why I need to get an associate from Billing Disputes on the line and" and the motherfucker cut me off, again.

"Then screw you, this company is shit! You can just cancel my account! I want to speak to your manager right now!"

"Yes, sir. Just a moment. Hold please."

"Right now!"

"Yes, sir. Hold please."

At this point I was shaking and about three seconds away from a full-blown panic attack. I had a hard time catching my breath, and I'm sure that if Quality was reviewing my call it probably sounded like I was sighing in frustration.

To make a long story a little shorter, my manager did take over the call. He couldn't get a word in edgewise, either. He was able to credit the charges back to the customer's account, mostly because it was only $1.03. He tried to explain that without a dispute on file, the company could potentially charge the card again if it was a subscription service. The customer decided that he would rather have us cancel that card number as lost/stolen and issue him a new card.

Why the fuck would you rather be without your credit card for 8-10 business days, unable to use the old number for anything, than take 5 minutes to file a claim with Billing Disputes? I really wish I had taken note of the merchant's name, because that must have been some embarrassing shit that he didn't want to talk about.

Anyway, kids, I guess the moral of the story is that if you yell and scream and make threats, you can get whatever you want. Because the Customer is always Right.